Dear Joybloom:
There was a day that my partner found out that I use my sex toy nearly every day, and he was super upset. Especially, he thinks I'd rather use sex toys but wouldn't have sex with him. What should I do? Is it normal to use sex toys when you are in a relationship?
Hey, nothing-to-worry-about lady (I would call you in this):
First of all, a good partner will definitely allow you to have your own sex toy because he thinks you deserve to have your own pleasure.
Well, let's move to the topic: wanting masturbation does not equal wanting sex. They fulfill different needs. You may have experienced how if you want to have sex but can't and you have to masturbate instead to make yourself satisfied? It's the same thing as if someone just wanted to masturbate but instead had sex, because they're not the same.
It's common, but it does seem to be an idea that masturbating alone means rejecting an available sexual partner. It then makes sense that some people might think it's a rejection and get upset.
But this is also mixing the orgasm with being the purpose of sex. What is the purpose of sex? We were educated that sex is to bring kids when we are teenagers. Then the book said it was for pleasure. However, we want to say it's for connection. And then some of the doctors tell us that sex is good exercise. I don't think there is a universal answer, and this is a decision that is incredibly subjective and everyone makes for themselves.
Masturbation is a totally different experience than sex. I think we can see sex is usually like cooking a meal, while masturbation is like eating at a favorite restaurant where everyone knows my name. Anyone who resents you your restorative time is behaving like a selfish person. Tell him that it is your right to have your 'me-time'. Do it when he’s in the shower or out. Get The Joybloom Lola Magic Wand. They are less threatened by the toy as it doesn't look like real dicks but with different levels of intensities.
Good luck. Never feel shame. And enjoy the best pleasure with yourself if you can't get one from your partner.
